Month: April 2017

Two entire weeks after I got my drivers license I hit a no parking sign on Overlook Ave. I was going like 80mph, it was raining, and there was a sharp curve. I am pretty sure I did a 360, a 180, and was up on two wheels at some point.

Anyway, I looked around and saw no witnesses. So, I popped it into reverse and got out of there. Later, I went to work and soon got a call from my dad. He asked me if anything had happened earlier today that I wanted to share.

At this point, I knew I was busted. But, denial had served me well for many years. He said the cops were on the way up to give me a ticket. They showed up and asked questions like are you Mark, did you hit a sign on Overlook, etc. While still wondering how they knew, I broke down and admitted it all.

After I signed the ticket, the cop reached around behind him and then handed me my license plate. He advised me to bolt it more securely to my car for the next time.

When I was a kid, one day my friends and I were bored. We found and old bike with no seat. We decided on a dare to start jumping over stuff and whoever got hurt last wins. Exactly what you won was open for debate.

Now, my friend Steve Schore took it took a whole new level and fashioned a ramp using an unstable bucket and board. Then he tried to jump the ramp and failed miserably. Because there was no seat, a large chuck of his flesh was torn away by the pole protruding out of the bike.

Thereafter, the legend became that the pole went straight up his butt hole, that he can no longer poop, and that he can’t eat solid foods anymore. Sadly, when he came back from the hospital, we gave him the nickname of “pole boy”. Man, we were ruthless.

My Grandpa Riga had dementia and stayed in a nursing home. He had an equally senile room mate. The family of the man came every month and gave him $20 for a little spending money. Every month he was always broke.

This went on for a while until finally they filed a complaint and began to accuse the staff of stealing. An investigation was conducted and it turns out that my grandfather was charging his roomie $20/month rent to stay in his room. The money was found neatly stacked in his bedside drawer. We thought it was amusing. They did not.

My great Uncle Jerry Riga was a pilot in WW2. He was not a very good pilot as he was shot down twice by the Germans. He said flying was fun, you got a lot of girls, and it was not very hard [compared to the infantry – no walking].

Now, getting into the flying corp was the hard part. You see, him and his friend failed their eye exams. Not deterred, they drove to Lexington, Ky and tried to enlist. Again, they failed their eye exams. Next, they were going to drive to Columbus and this time they had a plan. They were going to pick up a crate of carrots to eat along the way to improve their vision. Well…they could not find any carrots.

Instead, they picked up a crate of bananas hoping it was close enough. On the drive to Columbus, they ate all the bananas and promptly got potassium poisoning. It took them two full days to recover.

Once, my Aunt Rita and Uncle Jimmy Cucinotta took the family on a vacation. The night before they left, he packed the car, got gas, and made all the arrangements. He told my aunt, You have one job tomorrow. Please go to the the bank and get the money. In those days, there were no credit cards. The next day, he came home from work and they promptly got in their car and left on their long journey.

When they got to Tennessee, he pull over for gas and asked my aunt for some money. She informed him that she forgot to get it. He called his brother-in-law, who drove 600 miles to bail them out. He never said a word to my aunt. Many years later, when he was sick and just before his death, she confronted him and asked why he never yelled at her. It obviously had been on her mind. He said was it really your fault for not doing it … or was it my fault for thinking you would actually do it?.

Strangely, she agreed with him.

When I was about 10 years old, I stayed over my friend Jimmy H’s house. In the middle of the night, his dad woke us up and stated we have to go right now and he could not leave us home alone.

We arrived at a sharp curve on Devil’s Backbone Road. His older brother, the cops, a firetruck, and a few nosy neighbor’s were looking at a car wedged between two trees. The car was suspended about 15 feet off the ground. His dad’s asked his brother HOW AND THE H-LL did it get up there? His reply was “How do I know? When things went south, I jumped in the back seat“.