Year: 2017

This story pretty much sums up my entire Army experience. In 1988, I turned 18 and went into the Army. One day I was told to get in a large truck and drive a across the base to deliver some live missiles to the firing range. Oh, and this was to be done at night … with no head lights on … down a dirt road … on a steep hillside … for training. I dutifully did as I was told. Hell, what did I know?

Unfortunately, I missed a turn and rolled the vehicle down a hill several times. Turns out, rocket fuel is considered a hazardous material AND you need a truck drivers license before climbing into the cab and putting it in drive. Who knew?

I was confined to the barracks and had no idea what was going on. A kindly sergeant finally told me the truth. They planned to court marshal me and put me in prison because of the high dollar amount of damage. He recommended I sneak out, call my parents, and ask for help. I was able to get hold of my mother. Approximately 6 hours later, two congressional investigators showed up and started asking questions. Suddenly, the problem disappeared (like magic). Thank you mom for saving my arse again! 🙂

My older brother Wayne and I were in the Boy Scouts. One time, we went camping and he had bought himself an air mattress just for the trip. Now, understand that my brother did not like to share. He bragged and rubbed it in my face about how he was going to be sooooooo comfortable.

Unfortunately for him, he pitched his tent next to the creek. That night, the creek came up and he floated out of the tent and down stream a few yards, landing next to a felled tree with sharp branches. In the morning, we heard was a lot of splashing around and some childhood cussing. He ended up with a wet sleeping bag, a hole in his air mattress, and a big bag of sour grapes. Ha ha sucka!

My grandpa Riga had Alzheimer’s toward the end of his life. My aunt Rita was a good and dutiful daughter who visited him every day and ensured he received the best medical care.

One day, he was told that that his son was finally coming to visit. Suddenly, he perked up and exclaimed Oh my son, my son. A son is a true blessing. My aunt asked what about your daughters? My grandpa’s response was a daughter? Well … a daughter is … just a daughter.

Needless to say, that did not go over well with her and her 2 sisters.

One day I went over my grandma Seiler’s house and found her upset over something. I asked for details and she told me she got a ticket for speeding and crossing the double yellow lines. According to her, it was total bullsheet.

Now, understand that my grandma was in poor health and had a seriously bum foot. She could not hit the brakes in a hurry, even if she wanted to. It turned out that she was traveling behind a cop and decided he was going to slow. She was on her way to the doctor’s and didn’t want to be late. She crossed the double yellow and lapped him.

She stated it was rude and impolite to give a ticket to an old woman. LOL. What a great story grandma. I miss you dearly.

hen I was a kid, I saw a poor man in a sorry state walking on the street and laughed. My grandpa Riga chastised me and asked how I knew he was poor and not just another man who had no money?

I asked him what’s the difference? He said In 5 years, a man without any money will have something. In 5 years, a poor man will still be broke.

Many ages ago, when I was in the Army we were constantly sent out in the field for training maneuvers. We were required to eat a hot meal everyday. I had to drive an hour to the other side of the base just to pick it up. I decided that was inefficient and was not going to do it.

Instead, I came up with a brilliant plan to swipe several loaves of bread and jars of peanut butter and jelly. For the next 30 days, I happily ate my peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

As it turns out, that is an extremely bad idea. You see, I got a VERY painful case of constipation. After 2 days in hospital I was relieved when I successfully delivered a homemade PBJ loaf to the staff.

Unfortunately, when I returned to base I got 30 days PX duty for damaging Army property (ie. myself).