Author: mark_user

  • Boys Will Be Boys

    When I was a kid, I held the family record for most trips to the hospital. It was so bad, my mom was investigated for child abuse. Here are a few memorable one.

    One day, we got a new dryer and my older brother Wayne and I were playing with the box in our front yard. He got a knife and cut a door and crawled in. He poked a hole in the box to look out. He would not let me to play so I started looking in the hole to see what he was doing. He got mad and thrust the knife through the hole to get me away from his box. The knife hit me in the cheek about 1 from my left eye. I had to get stitches (I still tell everyone, the scar is from a knife fight).

    One day, mom said we will be having dinner soon and not to go far. So I was going to just ride my bike to the end of the street and back. As I was riding my bike down the sidewalk, by Herman z German’s house (was he a Nazis? no one knew), I had to navigate around his car, as it was overhanging the sidewalk, and hit a piece of uneven concrete. I flew over the handlebars. Fortunately, my face slowed my acceleration. That day, I learned the head bleeds more that the rest of the body.

    In 5th grade, my friend Rusty Zimmer and I got in an argument and I punched him in the face and broke my knuckle on my right hand. I had to get a cast put on my arm and everyone signed it.

    On a fine summer afternoon, me and my friend Jimmy Hammersmith decided to drive a wooden stake into the ground [who knows why?]. We could not find a hammer. Our problem solving skills kicked into overdrive. We will climb onto a ladder and in sequence drop concrete blocks onto the wooden stake. Thereby, driving it into the ground. I remember bending over to pick up my block when it all went blank. My poor mother had to make another trip to the hospital, for a head wound.

    In 6th grade, I was playing in the school yard and fell and dislocated the thumb on my left hand. For the second time in a year, I had to get cast put on my arm. Sadly, my so called friends and family refused to sign it. They said “been there, done that”. That was a little hard for me to take.

    All the kids were playing baseball in the back yard. They asked me to be the catcher. I knew from TV that he stood right behind the batter. Unfortunately, I was too close and when Julie Alford swung the bat, she hit me in the right eye. It soon swelled up terrible and they said I would be blind. The doctor had to cut my eye lid to release the pressure. But, I got to wear a eye patch like a pirate for 3 weeks.

  • Just Shut Up

    When I was 16, after I had my license for a few weeks, my dad asked me to go to Kroger’s to get some broccoli for dinner. My sister Jill went too. She would not SHUT UP and complained the entire trip. This distracted me.

    The car in front had no break lights and had slowed to a stop to pull in their driveway. I hit the car at 20MPH and Jill’s face made a perfect mold in the front windshield. She was bleeding badly and I ran to the nearest house and asked to use the phone. We called an ambulance and I also called my dad. Before I hung up the phone and walked outside, I saw my dad running up the street.

    To this day, I don’t know how he ran a half mile in less than 5 seconds? Of course, I got in big trouble. But, in truth, it really really was Jill’s fault. 🙂

  • Squeeze a Penny into a Nickel

    Grandpa Riga was known for being frugal. My grandma always complained that just once she wanted to go on a vacation. To which grandpa replied that it was his job to provide her with food, clothing, and a roof over her head. Entertainment was not on the list.

    Many times, I saw first hand how cleaver grandpa actually was. Here a a few good memories:

    • We would be out walking and he would reach down and pick up a penny. When I questioned him, he just said that’s one penny I didn’t have to work for. (I still do this too!)
    • Grandpa placed all the lights in the basement on timers (because grandma could never remember to turn them off?) and she would be down there doing laundry and the lights would suddenly turn off. LOL.
    • One day I came over and saw him eat another can of Campbell’s tomato soup. When I asked him about it, he said … just poke a hole in the lid in the morning and place the can over the pilot light. Your burning that gas anyway, might as well use it [to cook the soup]. At the end of the day the soup is fully cooked, just pour and eat.
    • When he was in assisted care, he would steal packages of ketchup. Then later, microwave bowls of water and add the ketchup to make tomato soup. (that way he only had to pay for 1 meal a day at the retirement home).
    • He would place an empty 2 liter in the back of his toilet tank to use less water when flushing.(He was green before it was cool!
    • Grandpa would pay cash for his cars, so he owned them outright. Then, he still made monthly car payments to himself. After 5 years, his current car would poop out but he would have a large pot of money to buy a new car with. This way, he never had to borrow money from the bank for a car loan

    Grandpa, thank you for teaching me the value of money!

  • My Favorite Quotes

    This is a small collection of sayings, quotes, and advice that have stuck with me over the years. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have!

    If you don’t take yourself seriously…. neither will anyone else. – unknown.

    Socialism works great….until you run out of other peoples money. – Margaret Thatcher.

    Watch your money, no one else will. – unknown.

    A boat is a hole in the water that you pour money into. – Aunt Janet G.

    I have a 4/50 air conditioner … 4 window’s down and 50 miles/hr. – Mark S.

    I can’t promise I’ll ever make a lot of money, but I can promise you I’ll always work. – Mark S.

    Do you know what I like better than a $50 pair of sneakers? $50 worth of food. – Mark S.

    You can’t sing? You can’t dance? You can’t play music? What kind of a man are you? – Old gypsy saying.

    Dime [you] holding up a dollar [me]. – Jeff Lambert, Former supervisor.

    Work smart, not hard. – Every relative ever.

    It is what it is. – Mark S.

    It’s all about the hustle. Money makes the world go round. – Mike Brewer.

    I found another MMO, money making opportunity… – Mike Brewer.

    Politics is someone who doesn’t want your job, but doesn’t want you to have it either. – unknown.

    Mark’s 50% rule is simple. 50% of the population is functionally retarded. – Mark S.

    [Concerning family] Don’t ask for anything, don’t tell them anything, and definitely don’t expect anything. – Mark S.

    He’s a minimalist, he always does the bare minimum. – Mark S.

    You don’t get rich by giving away your money. – Uncle Jimmy C.

    Never turn down free money. – Grandpa Harry R.

    Don’t rely on anyone but yourself. – Mark S.

    What comes around goes around. – Dad.

    Don’t worry about their age. If they don’t treat you with respect, you don’t have to treat them with respect. – Grandpa Harry R.

    It’s not what you make, it’s what you save. – Grandpa Harry R.

    The sweetest sound to a man’s ear is the sound of his own voice. – Uncle Jimmy C.

    Take it easy, but take it. – Dad.

    I don’t work weekends, holidays, or overtime. We [the family] either make it on my wages or we don’t. – Dad.

    I realized early in life that I was never going to have a lot of money. So, I planned accordingly. – Mark S.

    Live poor, die rich. – old farmers saying.

    When I left home, I promised myself I will never compromise on 3 things: A big double bed; REAL cheese; and soft toilet paper. – Mark S.

    Never enough time to do it right, but always enough time to do it over. – Grandpa Walter S.

    No one ever helped me in this life … so f*ck em’. – Dad.

    You will get punched in the face many times in life. So get used to it. – Paul H.

    Alway wipe front to back (first piece of useful advice my dad ever gave me) – Dad.

    You can’t fight over everything. So, pick your battles. – Dad.

    If you don’t laugh about it, you’ll cry about it. So pick one. – Mark S.

    I made 3 good descisions in life. I married a good person, I bought a small house, and I lived cheap. – Mark S.

    Trust. But verify. – Ronald Reagan.

    I’ve always had to make my own opportunities. – Paul H.

    Some people pat you on the back and slap you in the face at the same time. – Lynne S.

    Never give a small man a small job. He’ll think he’s a king and treat you appropriately. – Dad.

    You’ll have to forgive my brother, He’s an idiot. – Keith S.

    If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. – Dad.

    You can’t learn a thing, with your mouth open. – Grandpa Walter S.

    You have two ears and one mouth. So listen twice as much as you talk – unknown.

    First I come, then I come again, then you come. – Grandpa Walter S.

    Foolish people do foolish things. – Grandpa Harry R.

    Your ship finally came in. Then it sank in the harbor. – Wayne S.

    There is a difference between a man who does not have money and a poor man. The man with no money will eventually have some. The poor man will still have nothing. – Grandpa Harry R.

  • Speed Trap

    There is a small town called Addeston, Ohio. It is well known for being a speed trap. Outside the town, it is 40 MPH and then it drops to 15 MPH when you hit the town limit.

    One day, my uncle Harry was going to work and got pull over. He refused to sign the ticket. Now, the cop threatened him and said you will sign it or I will arrest you.

    Unfortunately for him, my uncle was a very smart man and replied “Go ahead. If you arrest me, you need to take me to the Hamilton County jail. I know for a fact that it cost $300/day to house a prisoner. Your town will have to foot the bill. I will wait a week and then admit to speeding in court and pay your $25 fine”. The cop let him go.

  • The High Cost of Women

    Once when I was very young, I was in the car with my dad going to get gas at the local UDF on a Thursday night. Every Thursday, they had a sale on gas and you got a nickel off. I always went because I hoped he would buy me an ice cream.

    One day, we saw a woman walking down the street and I asked him if he would ever cheat on my mother. He emphatically told me I can’t handle one woman! Why the hell would I want two?